Grief feels like waves crashing in without any notice and slowly going back out. Sometimes taking my breath away with pressure so heavy I feel like I’m drowning. I can’t put into words the pain I’ve experienced in the last couple months mourning the physical death of my mother. But I can tell you that I have experienced Gods grace and faithfulness on a whole new level.
Because of my mom (she would say it’s the Holy Spirit and she’s right) I finally started studying the Bible the last 5 years. She had all kinds of great recommendations of stuff that she already studied. She said she would study it again if I would do it with her. As I’m writing this I’m just bawling because I wish I would’ve done more of those things before she passed. But I’m so incredibly grateful for the time we had. She taught me so much. She taught me to trust the process.
Let it flow even when it hurts. The growing pains are part of the process. There’s only been a few days that I haven’t cried. I miss her so much. I can hear her voice and things she would say to me. Like “something good can come out of this.” She would say that all of the time.
I have found peace in the pit of the barrel even as my tears fill up the ocean. Being called into the deep unknown has showed me how powerful Gods word really is. It is vital. It is a life line. It has continually pulled me from the darkness.
I’ve also witnessed an amazing community uplift me and my family through these difficult times. Thank you! I’m so deeply grateful we have access to Gods word and are free to follow Jesus with our community.
Sometimes you have to sit still to get somewhere. Sometimes we have to release an ocean of tears to ride the grief waves. Sometimes we have to just sit in the ocean deep tears and let the waves crash over us. So that we can be cleansed. So we can trust. That this too shall pass. That this is not the end. We will see our loved ones again. In paradise.
16”w x 20”w x .75”d Original mixed media collage on canvas. All copyright and reproduction rights are reserved by the artist.
I was born, raised and currently living in the beautiful state of Iowa. After recently moving to the country where we’re surrounded by rolling hills and grasslands, I can’t help but think about the indigenous native people and animals that shared this land before colonization.
Two hundred years ago Bison ran in herds of millions searching for grasslands to feast on. We can only imagine the sound of the roaring thunder from millions of hooves stampeding across the plains. The Bison represents the Great Mother, giving of herself so that others will live.
Symbolizing abundance, strength, courage and gratitude to name a few. Native indigenous people held high respect for the sacred bison honoring every part of the body. The bison provided life and is remembered as the ruler of the plains symbolizing freedom.
“But you’ve made me strong as a charging bison, you’ve honored me with a festive parade. The sight of my critics going down is still fresh, the rout of my malicious detractors. My ears are filled with the sounds of promise: “Good people will prosper like palm trees, Grow tall like Lebanon cedars; transplanted to God’s courtyard, They’ll grow tall in the presence of God, lithe and green, virile still in old age.””
Psalm 92:10-14 MSG
Leave a Reply