Grief feels like waves crashing in without any notice and slowly going back out. Sometimes taking my breath away with pressure so heavy I feel like I’m drowning. I can’t put into words the pain I’ve experienced in the last couple months mourning the physical death of my mother. But I can tell you that I have experienced Gods grace and faithfulness on a whole new level.
Because of my mom (she would say it’s the Holy Spirit and she’s right) I finally started studying the Bible the last 5 years. She had all kinds of great recommendations of stuff that she already studied. She said she would study it again if I would do it with her. As I’m writing this I’m just bawling because I wish I would’ve done more of those things before she passed. But I’m so incredibly grateful for the time we had. She taught me so much. She taught me to trust the process.
Let it flow even when it hurts. The growing pains are part of the process. There’s only been a few days that I haven’t cried. I miss her so much. I can hear her voice and things she would say to me. Like “something good can come out of this.” She would say that all of the time.
I have found peace in the pit of the barrel even as my tears fill up the ocean. Being called into the deep unknown has showed me how powerful Gods word really is. It is vital. It is a life line. It has continually pulled me from the darkness.
I’ve also witnessed an amazing community uplift me and my family through these difficult times. Thank you! I’m so deeply grateful we have access to Gods word and are free to follow Jesus with our community.
Sometimes you have to sit still to get somewhere. Sometimes we have to release an ocean of tears to ride the grief waves. Sometimes we have to just sit in the ocean deep tears and let the waves crash over us. So that we can be cleansed. So we can trust. That this too shall pass. That this is not the end. We will see our loved ones again. In paradise.
I painted this live for Hope + Elim’s 1 yr anniversary November 14, 2021. Two churches, one being primarily African American and one being primarily Caucasian merged together during the challenging times of 2020. This very same weekend 62 years earlier Dr. Martin Luther King Jr preached on the very same stage in this amazing historic 1886 church about a beloved community. It was the only time he visited Iowa. Leading up to this celebration service I had been in an 8 week book/series study The Chosen with the creative arts ministry at our church. INCREDIBLE!!!! It’s so incredible that my husband and I watched both seasons in a few days. This is my second time around watching for the book study and now my husband wants to do the book study so we plan to watch it again. Watching The Chosen has helped me understand on a more real and deeper level who Jesus and his disciples are. It makes the fire in my heart grow and I just get excited for the next thing that I’m called to do. Unbelievable job to everyone involved ☝🏼🙏🏻thank you to everyone for following your passion!! Thanks Be To God!!!
When I finished painting and the service was over one of the speakers asked me if I had watched The Chosen…so exciting to connect!! God Is On The Move!!
Find out more about the artwork and watch the real-time service also a time-lapsed video of the live painting at renae-zanella.com
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