Grief feels like waves crashing in without any notice and slowly going back out. Sometimes taking my breath away with pressure so heavy I feel like I’m drowning. I can’t put into words the pain I’ve experienced in the last couple months mourning the physical death of my mother. But I can tell you that I have experienced Gods grace and faithfulness on a whole new level.
Because of my mom (she would say it’s the Holy Spirit and she’s right) I finally started studying the Bible the last 5 years. She had all kinds of great recommendations of stuff that she already studied. She said she would study it again if I would do it with her. As I’m writing this I’m just bawling because I wish I would’ve done more of those things before she passed. But I’m so incredibly grateful for the time we had. She taught me so much. She taught me to trust the process.
Let it flow even when it hurts. The growing pains are part of the process. There’s only been a few days that I haven’t cried. I miss her so much. I can hear her voice and things she would say to me. Like “something good can come out of this.” She would say that all of the time.
I have found peace in the pit of the barrel even as my tears fill up the ocean. Being called into the deep unknown has showed me how powerful Gods word really is. It is vital. It is a life line. It has continually pulled me from the darkness.
I’ve also witnessed an amazing community uplift me and my family through these difficult times. Thank you! I’m so deeply grateful we have access to Gods word and are free to follow Jesus with our community.
Sometimes you have to sit still to get somewhere. Sometimes we have to release an ocean of tears to ride the grief waves. Sometimes we have to just sit in the ocean deep tears and let the waves crash over us. So that we can be cleansed. So we can trust. That this too shall pass. That this is not the end. We will see our loved ones again. In paradise.
Fine art paper print. This is a signed, open edition reproduction from an original art work from a high resolution scan. All copyright and reproduction rights are reserved by the artist.
I planned to paint this outside to celebrate my 4 year sobriety anniversary. I got to start the piece outside but then the wind started whipping. My paint was drying instantly as it touched the canvas. I couldn’t see half the time cuz my hair was in my face. Then the farmer across the road pulled up with a few tractors and semis to harvest. Which was just hilarious to have so much going on for this painting I’m calling “Surrender”!! And to top it off the verse I turned to in the Bible outside was “Wine makes you mean, beer makes you quarrelsome— a staggering drunk is not much fun.”
Proverbs 20:1 MSG.
Lol I was cracking up so hard because that’s why I quit drinking alcohol!! But all of the chaos surrounding me was the greatest example of how we need to surrender and go with the flow. It’s not our plan but Gods! “Surrender” is the path to peace, joy and contentment. And that path is paved with prayers and gratitude. Through it all I have learned that surrendering everyday sometimes all day long is good for my heart, mind and soul. Some days are more challenging but then there is growth. Let go. Trust in God. God uses everything for his good.
“So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are. In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. All power to him forever! Amen.”
1 Peter 5:6-11 NLT
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