Grief feels like waves crashing in without any notice and slowly going back out. Sometimes taking my breath away with pressure so heavy I feel like I’m drowning. I can’t put into words the pain I’ve experienced in the last couple months mourning the physical death of my mother. But I can tell you that I have experienced Gods grace and faithfulness on a whole new level.
Because of my mom (she would say it’s the Holy Spirit and she’s right) I finally started studying the Bible the last 5 years. She had all kinds of great recommendations of stuff that she already studied. She said she would study it again if I would do it with her. As I’m writing this I’m just bawling because I wish I would’ve done more of those things before she passed. But I’m so incredibly grateful for the time we had. She taught me so much. She taught me to trust the process.
Let it flow even when it hurts. The growing pains are part of the process. There’s only been a few days that I haven’t cried. I miss her so much. I can hear her voice and things she would say to me. Like “something good can come out of this.” She would say that all of the time.
I have found peace in the pit of the barrel even as my tears fill up the ocean. Being called into the deep unknown has showed me how powerful Gods word really is. It is vital. It is a life line. It has continually pulled me from the darkness.
I’ve also witnessed an amazing community uplift me and my family through these difficult times. Thank you! I’m so deeply grateful we have access to Gods word and are free to follow Jesus with our community.
Sometimes you have to sit still to get somewhere. Sometimes we have to release an ocean of tears to ride the grief waves. Sometimes we have to just sit in the ocean deep tears and let the waves crash over us. So that we can be cleansed. So we can trust. That this too shall pass. That this is not the end. We will see our loved ones again. In paradise.
“Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.” Then God said, “Look! I have given you every seed-bearing plant throughout the earth and all the fruit trees for your food. And I have given every green plant as food for all the wild animals, the birds in the sky, and the small animals that scurry along the ground—everything that has life.” And that is what happened. Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good! And evening passed and morning came, marking the sixth day.”
Genesis 1:28-31 NLT
